


Night Vale Community Radio Presents: The Practice Match

by bluegeekEM, cheshiretears, lysandyra (pxssnelke)



Category: Haikyuu!!, Welcome to Night Vale
Genre: A Night Vale intern who lives - or do they?, Audio Format: MP3, Audio Format: Streaming, Cecil has a crush on Carlos, Gen, Mentioned Haikyuu!! ensemble, Mentioned Welcome to Night Vale ensemble, Podfic, Podfic Length: 20-30 Minutes, Practice match, The Glow Cloud - Freeform, Typical Night Vale Weirdness, Volleyball, pterodactyls, radio show
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-09-04
Updated: 2020-09-04
Packaged: 2021-03-05 19:15:24
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,953
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25540426
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/bluegeekEM/pseuds/bluegeekEM, https://archiveofourown.org/users/cheshiretears/pseuds/cheshiretears, https://archiveofourown.org/users/pxssnelke/pseuds/lysandyra
Summary: A little desert community hosts a volleyball match.
Comments: 13
Kudos: 10
Collections: Pod_Together 2020





	Night Vale Community Radio Presents: The Practice Match

**Author's Note:**

> Many thanks to DuskDragon39 for their invaluable beta assistance and insight!

Your browser doesn't support streaming with the HTML5 audio tag, but you can still [download this podfic here](https://ia601503.us.archive.org/19/items/podfic-the-practice-match-bluegeek-em-cheshiretears-zhadyra/%28FINAL%29%20The%20Practice%20Match-%20bluegeekEM%2C%20cheshiretears%2C%20Zhadyra.mp3) or [here](https://drive.google.com/file/d/14uBvEXso9tZV0pk6WDagiSXdYykJ72DC/view?usp=sharing).

Audio length: 26:17 | Download/stream: [Drive](https://drive.google.com/file/d/14uBvEXso9tZV0pk6WDagiSXdYykJ72DC/view?usp=sharing) | [Archive](https://archive.org/download/podfic-the-practice-match-bluegeek-em-cheshiretears-zhadyra/%28FINAL%29%20The%20Practice%20Match-%20bluegeekEM%2C%20cheshiretears%2C%20Zhadyra.mp3)

**

NIGHT VALE OPENING

A friendly desert community where a battle rages and onlookers wait with baited breath to see who will emerge victorious. Welcome… to Night Vale.

_[*Night Vale introduction music*]_

CECIL’S INTRODUCTION

CECIL: Good evening, listeners, and welcome to this special Night Vale radio broadcast. Tonight, we are focusing on an exciting event! What’s that, you ask? No, it’s not my upcoming date, _[*coughs*]_ I mean _scientifically-minded business lunch_ with Carlos, though I have seen all of your inquiries on Facebook. Today, we are going to be reporting closely on tonight’s thrilling volleyball game between Night Vale’s very own Scorpions and their opponents, the Karasuno High School Crows. This is only a friendly practice match, since the two teams aren’t competing in the same division, but it’s sure to be a riotous good time! Joining me on air tonight is Intern Sydney, who was an avid volleyball player throughout junior high and high school themself! In fact, let’s go to the Night Vale High School gymnasium where the match is underway. How’s everything going, Sydney?

SYDNEY: Things are going well now that the game has been allowed to continue following a halt for increased pterodactyl activity, Cecil.

CECIL: Those pterodactyls sure know how to pick an inconvenient time, interrupting the game like that.

SYDNEY: They sure do, Cecil! I am pleased to report that while, once again, the dinosaurs focused their attacks on women with glasses, the Night Vale Secret Police are reporting a death toll of zero. Several members of Karasuno’s team were hailed as heroes for their swift action in spiking volleyballs at the swooping pterodactyls, which may have played a part in the lower-than average injury count. One student, number nine Tobio Kageyama, even stared down a pterodactyl and managed to intimidate it into submission with his scowl alone.

CECIL: Impressive!

SYDNEY: Yes. The team’s third-year student manager, Kiyoko Shimizu, a glasses-wearer herself, proved that she is also skilled outside of the management realm. She revealed impressive aim and power, landing several hits on diving pterodactyls and throwing them off their prey.

CECIL: Hmmm, I wonder if this recent attack will bring in another boost to Dr. Ingram’s laser-eye surgery practice like it did last time?

SYDNEY: Time will tell, Cecil. _[pause]_ Hmmm. Has anyone… looked into that, actually. I mean, doesn’t it seem a little-

CECIL: _[interrupting]_ Best not to examine that thought too closely, Sydney. You remember what happened to Intern Drew, don’t you?

SYDNEY: _[*gulps audibly*]_ ...Yes. Unfortunately, I do.

_[*pause*]_

_[*Cecil coughs*]_

CECIL: Now, Sydney, my understanding is that this match doesn’t count towards any official standings for either team, correct? Is this a common event in volleyball?

SYDNEY: It is, Cecil. Teams compete with other teams within their division in official games. Each win will allow them to advance to successive tiers in the regional and national tournaments. Even though a win here won’t count for their division standings, the importance of practice matches can’t be overstated. It’s an opportunity for players to practice new skills and formations without the threat of elimination and also a chance for a team as a whole to adapt their strategy against other teams with different strengths.

CECIL: I see. And so Night Vale and Karasuno have a history of partnering up for these matches?

SYDNEY: Yes, indeed, Cecil, and they trade off hosting the matches. They did have a dry spell when Karasuno’s team endured a slump and, of course, the Night Vale team was trapped in a pocket dimension. But now both teams are back in full force and spatially fixed.

_[*pause*]_

SYDNEY: Presumably.

_[*pause*]_

SYDNEY: Anyways, these teams must be incredibly dedicated given the fundraising they’d have to engage in to afford what must be astronomical travel expenses.

CECIL: That’s a good point, Sydney. You said that Karasuno will host Night Vale in the next practice match? Given that Night Vale’s football team eats up over 93% of the sports funding for the school, that sounds like quite the budget buster! Oh! And were you able to gather any information on that _special assignment_ I gave you earlier?

SYDNEY: Umm, yes, actually. Carlos the scientist is in the bleachers tonight. He is holding a clipboard and taking notes while periodically looking at his wristwatch and shaking his head. And I’m not sure how this is sports-relevant, but his hair is, indeed, beautiful.

CECIL: _[*delighted*]_ Well, thanks for the information, Sydney, and we’ll be checking back in with you periodically throughout the broadcast.

**

COMMUNITY CALENDAR

CECIL: Let’s take a look at the community calendar. Tonight’s calendar focus is on Night Vale sports updates and scheduling. On Monday, the ultimate frisbee league is holding tryouts for… whatever competitive frisbee is. So head on down to the nearest empty field and look for a bunch of people chucking discs at each other.

On Tuesday, the crew team practice has once again been cancelled due to the difficulty in locating a sufficiently large body of water in the desert. Too bad, Night Vale crew, but keep your hopes up!

Thursday is Reminiscence Day, the day when we all think back on our glory days of athletic accomplishments of yore and then project that remembered sense of triumph and satisfaction onto our children, whether they enjoy sports or not.

And finally, remember, parents: next Friday marks the final day that you can submit your child’s sports physicals for the upcoming semester. Make those appointments today! You wouldn’t want an undiagnosed case of sub-clinical throat-spiders keeping you and your child from all the character-building skills, exercise, and fun of school-sponsored sports next semester! All changes in the number of limbs, heads, or psychic abilities must be identified by your child’s healthcare provider and logged with the school board or else they could be disqualified from participation. We don’t want a repeat of the Michael Sandero controversy, do we? This has been the Community Calendar.

**

SPORTS CHECK-IN

CECIL: Let’s get Sydney on the line again to get an update on the game. Sydney?

SYDNEY: I’m here, Cecil. You make an excellent point about keeping each student’s health and ability chart up to date! An issue with those abilities nearly caused tonight’s game to be cancelled, in fact!

CECIL: Oh?

SYDNEY: Yes. The Karasuno coach, Keishin Ukai, was concerned that some of the Night Vale players' more, ahem, _unique_ abilities might give them an unfair advantage. Night Vale’s libero, Keenan Douglass’ wings, for example, could greatly increase his speed in receiving the ball and covering more area on the volleyball court. And the fact that one of their middle blockers, Percival Zaky, grows throughout the game, usually ending several centimeters taller than he’d started, could offer Night Vale an edge in blocking some of Karasuno’s attacks.

CECIL: I’m a little confused when you say “unique abilities.” Those seem pretty common to me.

SYDNEY: Yes, however apparently this kind of physiology is fairly uncommon in Karasuno.

CECIL: Hmm, in that case, I can see how that might seem unbalanced, but Keenan can hardly help that he was born with congenital flight-enhancers.

SYDNEY: Exactly, and that’s what the conversation between the coaches determined. In the end, because they are on Night Vale’s home turf, Keenan may use his natural abilities. He must refrain from hovering higher than his typical height of eight inches from the ground throughout the game, however.

CECIL: That seems fair. And Percival? His constantly increasing height won’t be a problem?

SYDNEY: No it won’t. In fact, one of the Karasuno players, Shoyo Hinata, upon hearing about Percival’s impressive capacity for personal growth, has been questioning him nearly nonstop on his diet, training routine, and other factors that may contributed to his growth spurts. _[*chuckle*]_ Regardless, it doesn’t seem to have deterred the Karasuno team, if the first set is any indication! Karasuno's libero, number four Yuu Nishinoya, covers so much ground on the court that it’s as if _he_ has wings as well, and their Ace, number three Asahi Azumane, has managed to power through even the toughest of defenses. Karasuno pulled off an impressive twenty-five to twenty-two victory, leaving them in a good position at the start of the second set!

CECIL: I’m sure our team is riled up after such a close finish.

SYDNEY: They sure are, Cecil. I’ll be back with more updates from the second set soon.

CECIL: We are looking forward to it, thank you, Sydney.

**

ADVERTISEMENTS

CECIL: While we await another update from the big game, I have here for you some information on a product or business courtesy of Deb, the Sentient Patch of Haze. Unfortunately, Deb is… ummm… _indisposed_ at the moment and has delivered a printed copy of what she would like me to say, so here goes.

CECIL: _[*using an announcement tone*]_ Are _you_ a fleshy being, sometimes known as a human? Do you regularly drape lengths of fabric over your flesh-casing? Would you like to _personalize_ those lengths of fabric? If so, then Gold Ivy Print Shop is the place for you! You can have your name, an image, or even an identifying number placed upon a length of fabric of your choice. You can even qualify for a discount if you order multiple lengths of fabric in bulk! So come on down to Gold Ivy Print Shop to place your mark on fabric so that Gold Ivy Print Shop can place their mark on you.

_[*pause*]_

CECIL: Oh, and what’s this scrawled here at the bottom of the page?

_[*papers crinkle*]_

CECIL: The handwriting is kind of difficult to read, but I think it says, let’s see, ummm, “This is stupid and I can’t believe I have to miss the only flesh-being sport worth watching for a silly ad read? Maybe have that human chump read it instead?” Huh. I wonder who they mean?

_[*pause*]_

CECIL: _[*oblivious*] _Well, listeners. There you have it. Personalize your clothing with Gold Ivy Print Shop.__

**

SPORTS CHECK-IN

CECIL: Welcome back, Sydney. I understand you’ve been speaking to members of the crowd for their reactions to tonight’s excitement?

SYDNEY: Yes I have, Cecil. Enthusiasm is high, tonight, and we’ve had a great turnout from the community. Even our high school football coach, Nazr al-Mujaheed, has turned up in support of the Scorpions volleyball team, saying, “Well, it isn’t football, but it’s not bad. Not bad.”

CECIL: Glowing praise, indeed.

SYDNEY: _[*pause*]_ Right. And speaking of glowing, we also had a small incident concerning the Glow Cloud.

CECIL and SYDNEY: _[*in a monotone yet intense voice*]_ All hail the mighty Glow Cloud. All hail the mighty Glow Cloud. All hail.

SYDNEY: _[*clears throat and sounds confused*]_ Anyways, as I was saying. As you might know, the Glow Cloud has children in the Night Vale School system. The Glow Cloud’s eldest is a member of the volleyball team. Unfortunately, as a being unable to reliably receive the ball due to a lack of limbs and inconsistent tangibility, the young cloud hasn’t received much time on the court today. The Glow Cloud, it turns out, is a very… _intense_ sports parent, and a number of animal carcasses fell from its shadowy depths. The game had to be halted for safety.

CECIL: That sounds like quite the debacle!

SYDNEY: It is, Cecil. Oh! Now that all the genuflecting is over, it looks like there is a discussion about to occur between the referees and the Glow Cloud. I’m going to head over there and see if I can listen in!

CECIL: That sounds good, Sydney, and perhaps another update on your special assignment? Sydney? Well. It looks like they’re gone.

**

HOROSCOPES

CECIL: And now, I have the horoscopes for you, listeners:  
Aquarius: That vacation you were planning on this year? Reconsider. Reconsider, or the universe will reconsider for you.  
Pisces: _[*grim tone of voice*]_ I know what you did, Pisces. We all know what you did. _[*tone abruptly turns chipper*]_ Congratulations!  
Aries: Why don’t you try switching to tea for a while. It just might do you good.  
Taurus: The sky is not falling, Taurus. But the temperature in your basement is. It’s getting lower and lower. What do you think is causing it? _[*gasps*]_ What was that? Did you feel that?  
Gemini: Talk less, Geminis. Smile more. Let your smile do the talking for you.  
Cancer: Have you been taking cooking classes? How exciting! I’m sure you’ll start getting potluck dinner invitations again soon.  
Leo: Oh. I’m sorry, Leo. I don’t have anything prepared for you. Maybe next week.  
Virgo: I know this is going to be hard to hear, Virgos, but _[*whispers inaudibly*]_ _[*pause*]_ Our thoughts are with you, Virgos.  
Libra: Imagine a tree, Libras. Think of that tree. Emulate that tree.  
Scorpio: I’m not even _talking_ to you right now, Scorpio.  
Sagittarius: The City Council would like to speak with you, Sagittarius. They are coming. They are here.  
Capricorn: Let loose once in a while, Capricorn!

CECIL: And that was this week’s horoscopes.

**

CECIL: Update from the Night Vale High gymnasium, listeners. I hear that things seem to have settled down?

SYDNEY: It seems so, Cecil. The Night Vale animal control staff finished clearing the court and the game resumed. It was a tough set, and the Scorpions seemed to struggle with Karasuno’s number 12, Tadashi Yamaguchi, whose jump float serve caused havoc to the score for a while there, but they were able to prevail and ultimately the Night Vale Scorpions claimed the second set. This means that they are on to the third and final set to determine the victor.

CECIL: Well, let’s all hope that they won’t have to endure any further delays!

SYDNEY: Let’s hope, Cecil. Oh! And another update on the special assignment. Carlos actually spoke with members of both teams while the gym was being cleaned and he took a number of notes on his clipboard. He spoke at length with the Karasuno captain, Daichi Sawamura, about the meaning of time and its impact on the game and its players.

CECIL: I see. And did-

SYDNEY: _[*sigh*]_ Yes. His hair looked beautiful the whole time.

CECIL: Thank you for the update, Sydney! Well, Sydney is heading back to focus on the final set of the game and as for us, listeners, let’s go to the weather.

**

THE WEATHER

**

WRAP UP / RESULTS OF THE GAME

CECIL: Well, citizens, I have here the results of the stunning and nail-biting finish to tonight’s big game! After a strenuous third set, Karasuno High’s team has managed to pull off a victory over the Night Vale Scorpions with a final score of 29-27! That must have really been something to see, Sydney.

SYDNEY: It was, Cecil. Games of this length and intensity must really take a toll on the players, though you’d hardly know it by their energetic plays on the court.

CECIL: I’ve been getting reports that one player in particular, number ten, has really been standing out for his gravity-defying plays and tirelessness, and I’m told he doesn’t even have wings!

SYDNEY: That’s right, Cecil. That would be Shoyo Hinata and his energy does seem never-ending. I’ve learned through my interviews with some of Karasuno’s players that Hinata lives a distance from their school and rides his bicycle over a mountain each morning and evening in order to attend. He must really be committed to attending Karasuno High!

CECIL: I think they must have been pulling your leg, Sydney. Mountains, after all, are _quite_ rare. I, myself, have seen the only confirmed mountain in existence

_[*long pause*]_

SYDNEY: _[*laughs, somewhat nervously*]_ Riiiiiight. Anyways, it seems that all that activity has really boosted his stamina, hasn’t it?

CECIL: Hmmm. Well, the existence of mountains aside, Sydney, this has been an exciting and fun-filled night! Thank you for all your insightful commentary and on-point journalism. Oh! And I so rarely get to say this, but, have a great night and I’ll see you tomorrow!

SYDNEY: Thank you, Cecil! I’m going to stick around and get a few more interviews for tomorrow’s show. Oh, it looks like the Glow Cloud might be free! See you later, Cecil!

CECIL: Good night, Sydney.

**

OUTRO

CECIL: Well, listeners. I think I can speak for everyone when I say that I can’t wait for the next time these two great teams compete! These students have bright futures ahead of them with their adaptability and sportsmanship. It’s really inspiring how a group of disparate people with a shared love for something can come together, work hard, and really create magic out there in the world through teamwork, inspiration, and dedication.

_[*pause*]_

CECIL: Stay tuned next for an hour of classic rock hits played by ripping the audio from popular internet cat videos. And, for now, good night, Night Vale. Good night.

_[*Night Vale end credit music begins*]_

**

CREDITS + PROVERB

This crossover collaboration is brought to you by pod_together. It was written by bluegeekEM with contributions from cheshiretears and Zhadyra. The voice of Cecil is Zhadyra. The voice of Sydney is cheshiretears. Original music by Disparition. This episode’s weather was “These and More Than These” written by Joseph Fink and performed by cheshiretears. Find out more at each creator’s AO3 page. Comments? Questions? Leave them on the page where you found this podfic. And while you’re there, consider clicking the kudos button. That’d be amazing.

Today’s proverb: Remember, writers are people too. They definitely aren’t centipedes with their many, many legs working at many typewriters. Besides, this is 2020. They are murder hornets using computers. Just like the rest of us.

**Author's Note:**

> Author's notes: Although we matched over another fandom, our group also had some other crossover interests and fandoms, and so we had a number of fun possibilities for our pod_together project. Zhadyra and cheshiretears were kind enough to encourage me to indulge in something I apparently really enjoy doing - making Welcome to Night Vale crossovers. I just can't help myself - they are so much fun! So many thanks for their ideas, creativity, and enthusiasm! Being able to listen to them bring the characters to life filled me with joy :) Also, many accolades must also be thrown cheshiretears' way for performing the episode's weather!


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